Drs Susan and Peter Glaser’s communication strategies and Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis theory (TA) has come out of my HR/HSE Coaching toolbox repeatedly over the last month. 
Combined, these two models demonstrate exactly how conversations can go horribly wrong.
Is it possible that you could be saying one thing, yet projecting a completely different message to your employees? …YES! In their Breakthrough Communication Course(which I attended in March thanks to the OSEA) The Glaser’s, defined the difference between intent and impact. The intent of the interaction is what you actually meant, while the impact is determined by how you deliver the message AND your relationship with the other person.The relationship aspect is where Transactional Analysis theory comes into play. The goal is to be in a state of clarity and acting as an Adult, instead of a Parent or Child.
Parent: This is the ingrained voice of authority, typically including phrases and attitudes such as ‘you should’, ‘under no circumstances’, ‘always’, ‘never forget’ and ‘don’t lie to me’. It’s that awful moment when you catch yourself mimicking something your own parents said. You might even look in the mirror and realise that your arms are crossed or be waving a pointed finger. As a parent, you can find yourself spoiling, controlling, or criticising your employees.
Child: This is when you behave, feel and think like a ‘nipper’. Did you sulk, throw tantrums or make excuses? Whatever, your “get out of gaol for bad behaviour” was, then that will be your default position when you are put on the defensive or placed in emotional overload. You could find yourself waving your arms around, talking behind your hand or literally squirming in your seat. As a child, you can be compliant or resistant. Either way you are not communicating your needs or entering into a conversation as an equal.
Adult: Being an adult requires you to be in a state of clarity. This is where you have the ability to think and determine your response based on the information that is presented to you. It’s where you listen carefully, use non-threatening body language and consider your response. You own your feelings and seek clarification if you don’t understand something.
What does this look like in the workplace: Parent/Child vs Adult/Adult
The parent/ child conversation will look something like this:
Bob: I told you before! You always have to wear safety glasses on site, why don’t you listen to what you are told?
John: Whatever, I was only using the skill saw for a second; I’ve never had a problem before and Will doesn’t wear his.
Whereas, the Adult/Adult conversation looks like:
Bob: John, I need you to stop using the skill saw for a moment… I was wondering where your safety glasses are?
John: There are in my bag over there, I’ll go and get them.
Bob: Ok, they are important and our site induction focuses on the need to wear the correct PPE. We take this seriously because we want to make sure that no one gets injured, even if they are only using something for a few minutes.
Conclusion
The two conversations have very different outcomes, in the first both parties enter into the verbal dance of victim/ persecutor, instead of coach/learner. Unfortunately, there isn’t a miracle cure to poor communication, like anything it takes time and practice to become a skilled communicator. Hopefully, having read this blog you will be able to think about a conversation that you had over the last month or so that didn’t go as planned. Were you playing the role of adult, parent or child? What would you do differently next time? Finally, if you have anything to add, please emailsarah@emplyomenow.co.nz.